Useless Weapons

I've been thinking a lot lately about the value people put on appearances. More to my point, I've been thinking a lot about the things people are willing to do to get what they want. Identity is important. Status...not so much. It's especially upsetting to me when it comes to believers. We're all sinners and every one of us has a sinful heart that wants to be selfish. But it seems that there are some who are more intentional about their disobedience. When it's not just a bad habit, but a strategy. 

Human beings have always used little tricks and gimmicks to get what they want. How about intimidation? Temper and abuse are effective tools for sending others scurrying out of one's way. On the other side of the spectrum is charm. It may be bogus, duplicitous, conditional, and totally insincere, but it achieves a dual payoff: getting one's way and stroking one's ego. The manipulations are probably endless. Whining, bribing, guilt-tripping, snubbing, flattering, and belittling. We humans have found ways of avoiding discomfort and accountability.

Like I said, there are payoffs to these acts of selfishness and dishonesty. But there is a huge downside. While it feels good in the moment, ill-gotten victories are cheap and temporary. But much, much graver, these tricks do not work on God.

A prominent atheist was once asked what he would do if he found himself face-to-face with the Creator he so vehemently denied. He said that he would ask Him, "Why did you take such pains to hide yourself?"

I  promise you that when he passed away in 1970, he met God and yet did not ask that question. All of our favorite little weapons that have been so effective in manipulating our brothers and sisters? We won't even think of trying them on God. Though I honestly believe that there are people who have this plan. 

God will not be intimidated by your anger. He will not cower at your temper. He will not wink at your sin because you're just so gosh-darn cute. He will not rush to soothe your whining or be abashed at your scolding. You will not out-think, out-talk, interrupt, or confuse Him. Neither will I. We won't even consider it when we stand before Him and His indescribable holiness and glory. Remember when Moses questioned God? Job? To put it mildly, they did not come out the victors of those conversations. Frankly, I think I would faint with terror if God said to me "Brace yourself like a man;I will question you, and you shall answer me." 

Remember that part near the middle of "The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe" when the four children are making plans with The Beavers? Edmond, having already been deceived and poisoned by the White Witch, asked a question. 

   "She won't turn him into stone, too?" said Edmond.

   "Lord love you, Son of Adam, what a simple thing to say!" answered Mr. Beaver with a great laugh. "Turn him into stone? If she can stand on her own two feet and look him in the face it'll be the most she can do and more than I expect of her."

Yes, Jadis had power. She was a witch who made it winter for over 100 years. "Always winter and never Christmas". She turned the beloved Mr. Tumnus, and many others, to stone. She had gained fear, respect, and in some cases even devotion from the Narnians. These temporary victories caused her to greatly overestimate her power. The White Witch (though she knew she was no match for Aslan, that Aslan had no match) still dared to challenge him. She lost. 

We, too, will lose if we dare to think that our ludicrous, petty, human weapons will silence God. We may feel we are a powerful, victorious Queen Jadis, turning people to stone if they get in our way, but don't be deceived. Standing on our own two feet and looking Him in the face is the most we will do and more than I expect of us. 

Darkness and Light

I'll never understand why people create conflict. We all have those people in our lives who don't want things to go smoothly. People who create tension, awkwardness, and strife. I'm not saying that I'm perfect because I am very flawed, but that I just don't get. 

You've heard the saying: Blowing out someone's candle won't make yours shine any brighter.

And it's true.  Happy people don't go around trying to cut other people down. I don't think I've ever been jealous of someone just because they wanted me to be jealous of them. I feel too sad for them that they think they need to blow out candles. The thing about bragging is that it always sounds like bragging. Nobody has a perfect life. No one is without problems and disappointment. Whether it's because someone works hard at projecting an attractive but phony image or we look at them through rose-colored glasses, the result is the same: It's a farce.

 Who was it who first explained the idea that darkness doesn't exist?  Have you heard that before? You can't make darkness, you can only hide from the light. You can cover all the widows to keep the light away but you can't bring darkness. 

So someone might try to emphasize their candle by snuffing out yours, but it's a cheap, ineffective trick. 

There are people in my life who make me think "Oh I wish I could be more like her!" But those people aren't focusing on gaining followers, they're interested in being a follower.  People who look like Jesus. I think of my mentor. She has a gentle spirit and if your candle is sputtering she'll be the first to share hers. If you were to praise her beautiful character, she would hand the credit right over to Jesus.

How wonderful it would be if we would all just rest in His arms. If we would all focus on trying to have His perspective instead of trying to force other people to see us from the false perspective we want them to have? 

Bragging always looks like bragging. 

Jesus, help me to look more like You.

A Big Lie

  One morning in Sunday School we talked about heaven. We read through several scriptures that tell us a little about what heaven will be like.  Although we can't really imagine how beautiful and happy and holy it will be, there's one thing that we can be certain of . Heaven will not be boring. But, this is a cultural thing we've seen over and over. Just sitting on clouds, playing harps, wearing robes. Sure the scenery will be eye-pleasing but on the whole, it's a big yawn-fest. Didn't Mark Twain say, "Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company."?  How sad.  What a huge, horrible, ugly lie. And it isn't just limited to what heaven and hell are like. We're surrounded by this sort of thing all the time. There's this great big lie that people fall for all day every day. The idea that the devil is all about pleasure and God is all about self-denial.
 It just isn't true.
 C.S. Lewis talks about this at length in his book "The Screwtape Letters". I've posted an excerpt here about how God is the one who loves when we find bliss in His creation. Screwtape and Wormwood are sickened by it.

“He’s a hedonist at heart. All those fasts and vigils and stakes and crosses are only a facade. Or only like foam on the sea shore. Out at sea, out in His sea, there is pleasure, and more pleasure. He makes no secret of it; at His right hand are ‘pleasures for evermore.’

Ugh! I don’t think He has the least inkling of that high and austere mystery to which we rise in the Miserific Vision. He’s vulgar, Wormwood. He has a bourgeois mind. He has filled His world full of pleasures.

There are things for humans to do all day long without His minding in the least– sleeping, washing, eating, drinking, making love, playing, praying, working. Everything has to be twisted before it’s any use to us. We fight under cruel disadvantages. Nothing is naturally on our side.”

    The enemy wants you to believe that he's the ultimate party-planner, free-spirit and God is a massive wet blanket Who h a t e s it when we have any fun at all, but that's malarkey. If the devil could get us to make bad decisions without offering any sort of pleasure he would do it. The little bit of good-feeling that we get out of doing something we shouldn't? I imagine the devil resents it. Pleasure was God's invention. His idea. This idea that the devil likes it when we indulge ourselves? That he's the one who thinks of ways for us to enjoy, enjoy, enjoy? Wrong.
 He thinks of ways for us to destroy ourselves. He takes great big soul-killing decisions and paints them with the thinnest possible layer of gratification. We would never fall for it otherwise. If he told families to hate and disrespect one another they would close ranks and defend their loved ones. But take a popular sitcom, make the kids smarter than their lame parents, throw in a hefty dose of glamorized bad choices, sprinkle it with some cynical zingers and wrap it all up in laughter and it's an insidious poison. Poison that makes it seem like a good idea to disrespect your family. Poison that tastes like comedy. See the lie? Laughter is God's idea. Laughter is a very good thing. And it is used ALL THE TIME to help us ingest garbage.
The examples go on and on. Everything from gossip to lying to sexual sin, Underneath the destructive act is something that God created for our pleasure and His glory. We do it to feel better about ourselves? Self-worth is a good thing that God wants for us. We do it because we want others to accept us? Fellowship is a good thing that God encourages. But the devil wants us to go about getting these things in a sinful, empty, way. He wants us to choose the parody over the gift.
If the devil could get away with it, he would have us turn our backs on God completely without us getting any enjoyment out of it all. But God is honored when we hear birds sing and our spirits are lifted. When we sigh with contentment to rest after a trying day? God is glorified. There's not much the devil can do about how our awareness of God is impacted by His creation. The devil knows that pleasure belongs to God and I think he uses it against us begrudgingly. But it's a very useful weapon. The devil would not use pleasure if he didn't have to, but if it gets people to worship the created instead of the Creator, he'll do it.

Now the Hard Part

Grace in Action

     I've been talking a lot about grace. I claimed that I would choose to be more gracious instead of expecting grace from others. Nice thought isn't it? Well for the past couple of days, God has been giving me lots of opportunists to put grace in my face. It has been very, very, difficult. 

     He is not doing it to be smug. He is not doing it to play games and show me who's boss, even though He IS in charge and has every right to be. Just like everything He does, God is sending me these challenges out of love. He loves me so much He is unwilling to leave me alone in own selfishness. So when I challenged myself to be more like Him, He blessed me in some really uncomfortable ways while still being exceedingly gentle. 

    It's been un-fun, but if you hang with me I'll share a lovely story with you: one of the sweetest examples of grace I've ever heard. Get a hanky ready now. But first suffice it to say I've been tested. Two or three encounters with some of my most irksome pet peeves have given me the chance to practice what I've preached. It's ranged from stupid, subjective annoyances to genuinely intrusive acts of disrespect. But it doesn't matter because I'm still accountable for how I handle it.

    I'll be honest, I haven't behaved as well as I had hoped. While I have responded kindly, or not at all, I've still fumed. I've ranted and vented to my husband about what bothered me. While I did not attack or vent my feelings to the people who presented the annoyances, my heart resisted. Jeremiah 17 talks about how wicked our hearts are "deceitful" and "beyond cure". Thankfully, I don't have to rely on my own strength. If I did I would have no chance at all of success. 

     But God never, ever presents a challenge, or assigns a task, or calls us to obey and then sits back with His arms folded, waiting for us to mess it all up. He's right in it with us. Ahead of us and behind us. It's not by my own strength that I will face my trials with grace, but only with His help. Like I said in an earlier post, it won't be easy. But I won't be alone. 

     So what does grace look like? It's kind of a hard thing to describe. "Unmerited Favor" is the accurate but Sunday Schoolish, somewhat obscure, answer. So here's an example, the story I promised to relay to you. Grace in action.

     My husband came home from work the other day and told me this story that a coworker had told tohim. This man, I'll call him Tom, has a daughter who is divorced. Like in many situations there is hurt and animosity between Tom's daughter and her ex-husband. And unfortunately their children are sometimes the victims of the problems of their parents.  It happened on a weekend visit, the kids were on an outing with their dad. They were excited when he took them to Build-A-Bear, but excitement turned to disappointment when he told them that only one of them would be getting a toy that day. The others would have to wait. The little girl, I'll call her Anne, chose a bear and took it home with her to her dad's house. But when their mother arrived to take them home their dad refused to let Anne take the bear home. It would have to stay at his house and she could only play with it when she was there. There were tears. Anne's mother had to distract so they could  go back home. 

    When Tom and his wife heard about the disappointments of the weekend they stepped in. Their hearts hurt for their grandkids and they wanted to help make up for a little of it if they could. They went on their own trip to Build-A-Bear and this time the other two children got to pick out toys. The little boy I'll call Nick chose a bear just like Anne's. He wanted one just like his big sister's.

   And when he had it all done, he gave it to her. 

   Where an adult had used manipulation and selfishness, a little boy put his sister first. He used grace to turn away wrath when he had every right to take his own turn. Instead he got in the back of the line and let his sister go first. Again. 

     Children should not have to clean up messes that adults make. This story humbles me when I think about how I react when I feel someone has violated my rights. I could shove back, But instead I want to step back. What a difference there is between childishness and childlikeness. Sometimes age has nothing to do with it. Sometimes grace has everything to do with it.

Grace Wins Again

Grace Wins Again

   I've been thinking a lot about something that Jon Acuff said a few weeks ago. He said "Using cynicism to protect yourself from the bravery that having hope requires is the sneakiest form of cowardice there is." Well, Jon was talking about setting goals and keeping goals and doing all the things that need to be done in order to achieve your goals, and he was absolutely right.  

     What really got me, though, was that cynicism is inherently sneaky and, by its very nature, cowardly. It doesn't seem like it, but it is. 

      A good friend of mine pointed this out to me recently when we were discussing a popular YA novel. One of the main characters always "won" the disagreements because she always resorted to cynicism and it's so hard to argue with cynicism. 

    - I can't believe you fell for that.   

    - You really think that's going to work? Please.

    - Yeah, right, because (insert more sarcasm here).

  These are just hypotheticals that I'm making up on the spot, but don't you hear the scornful tone? Can't you just hear the arrogance and superiority? Haven't you felt your heart just deflate when you've spoken optimism and had someone douse the warmth with cold cynicism? Did it make you doubt yourself? Me too.

       Is there a point to this, because it's getting depressing in here.  Yes. I have a point. I think there's something that's even harder to argue with than cynicism. 

Grace.  

Proverbs 15:1 says "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." 

      Did you notice that? Turns away wrath. So even if it's already headed for us, a gracious answer can diffuse a conflict. Have you ever been in a situation where someone wants to make a game out of something that shouldn't be a competition?  

      -Is Billy still having a hard time learning to read? My Sally made honor roll. Again. 

      -My boyfriend bought me five dozen roses. Do you have any plans for Valentine's Day this year?

       -I love our new house. I just finished painting all the walk-in closets. Have you found a house in your price range yet?

Gross.

      My nature wants to fight back. To put them in their place. To play- no, to win the game they dragged me into. But I don't have to play along and there's no winner in those types of games anyway. Just pettiness and selfishness.  But grace wins. Grace lets us surrender our pride and put our attackers into God's capable hands. It's a much better place for them to be than behind us at an imaginary finish line. 

    

Earworms and Other Intrusions

       The other day I was puttering around my kitchen making supper (we were having what my family calls "piglets" in case you're wondering) when I realized I had a song stuck in my head. An Earworm.  Pretty sure it had been there for the better part of the day. I often have a song in my head and when it's something like Never Alone by BarlowGirl or Brother by NeedtoBreathe then it's a fun time. My subconscious and I jam out to those tunes as we go about our merry way.
      Alas, in this case it was not Needtobreathe. It was the theme song for a cartoon on PBS. My boys like it. It's a cute show. Not to worry, it wasn't the dreaded Caillou or even the again popular Bob the Builder, but a new one called "Nature Cat".
 It has a theme song.

link

 "Nature cat, nature cat, nature CAAaaAAaat." Not something I want playing on repeat in my head.
All
Day
Long
   Luckily I know the cure for an earworm. You simply replace it with another song. Just sing the new song in your head instead of the unwelcome one. The trick is to choose a much, much better song. For example if you're unfortunate enough to be going about your day being mentally serenaded by a boy band, it won't do you any good at all to start singing a Justin Beiber song in your head to take it's place. Unless you like Justin Beiber, then go for it (also talk to a friend who can help you with finding some better music).
    It reminded me of other unwelcome junk that floats into my head- stuff a lot worse than my boys' TV show theme songs. Sometimes the garbage that finds its way into my mind are just thoughts. Thoughts like You're ugly and weird. There are so many things wrong with you it's appalling that you have any friends at all. Not good. Not true. When you and I have trash like that buzzing between our ears it's a big fat lie from the Enemy of our souls.
     But there's some really, really good news. Just like there's a cure for an earworm, there's a cure for the lie. It's the same cure, actually. To get rid of a lie, replace it with a truth.
   The lie says I'm ugly and damaged? God's Word says I am fearfully and wonderfully made. The lie says I'm unlovable? In the 31st chapter of Jeremiah, God said “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness."
     To get rid of a lie replace it with something else.  Like the earworm cure, you just sing the new song in your head instead of the unwelcome one. Just be sure to replace it with something much, much better.  

Grace in Your Face

Grace in Your Face

     What I'm about to say might rub some people the wrong way, but just bear with me for a minute before you get mad and me and leave the page. Just hear me out, okay? I want to say something about those lists we see all the time on social media. You know the ones I'm talking about. Those lists of things not to say. 

    10 Things NOT to Say to Chess Players.

    6 Things NOT to Say to Soccer Moms. 

    35 Things People Who Like Bananas Are Tired of Hearing. 

    I'm not saying all of them are wrong, because I get it. I do. See, for those of you who've never met me in person, I'll tell you something about myself: I'm not very tall. At all.  I don't mind the way I am. I can curl up comfortably in any chair. I have very small feet and sometimes can wear really cute shoes because girls' size 3 will fit me. I always have leg room in a car, even in the backseat. I can nap on the love seat in my living room, no problem. So there are some perks. What's more, God made me this way on purpose. I like myself the way I am.  Except for not being able to reach things and sometimes having a hard time finding clothes that fit properly, it's not a big deal,
     But here's the thing I really don't like about it at all. I don't like being laughed at. Though I am fully aware of my height, people feel the need to remind me of it constantly. Ironically, my friends are sometimes the worst ones for it. They mean well. They're my friends so they mean it in a "nice" way. They don't mean to hurt me. But they're saying the same stuff as the people who do mean to hurt me. The underlying message is the same: The way you are is not okay. If it were okay we wouldn't be laughing at you. 

    So it still hurts a little. Even if they don't mean it to.

    I'm not saying this to rant. This isn't a whine-fest, I promise. These are my credentials for what I'm about to say next. So you know that I meant what I said before. I get it. I get where they're coming from.

    The problem with those "what not to say" lists isn't that they don't have a point (okay, some of them are a little extreme) but that they're going about it the wrong way. They just don't work. No one will ever educate the whole word and never have to hear those things again. 

     I promise you that short people know they're short. They don't need you to tell them. They don't like it when you ask how tall they are. They don't like being compared to children or told that they're even shorter than your short cousin. But I could post those statements on social media every day of my life and still people will make cracks about my height. "Amie! Can you even see over your steering wheel? How do you drive? HAHAHA!" I know that people will always say those things to me.

    So here's what I'm getting at: What are those lists really asking for? Grace. Even the dumb ones that expect us to be mind readers and know just by looking at someone what their preferences are. They just want grace. What they're really asking is for everyone to be mindful of their feelings. The problem is, it just doesn't work that way. We can't rearrange the world according to our own comfort. People are careless and sometimes cruel. 

     There's no point in expecting the world to be gracious. It will never happen as long as we live under the Curse. Grace can still protect us from unexpected, painful barbs, but instead of wishing that people would filter what they say through grace, we have to filter what we hear.We can choose to pull grace even closer. We can stuff our ears with it. It won't be easy. But when a good friend laughs because I stand on something and now we're the same height, I'll remember that my pain is not their goal. Come to think of it, if it is their goal to hurt me, grace can protect my heart even then if I simply forgive them.
      You can't put grace into the mouths of others. You can put grace into your own ears. See what I'm saying?  Grace in your face. And yes, I get that it's a little ironic because I'm saying what we should and shouldn't do. So take my advice or leave it. Either way, it's okay, because that's my whole point. The only person I can be truly responsible for is me. Another person's comments don't define me. Not their insults and not their complements. So I will choose not to let it go to my head. Not to let it hurt my heart. At least I'll try. I can be impervious, with the help of Jesus, because of grace. If not the grace in someone else's heart, then the grace in mine.