Name Calling

Drop off/pick up time at my son's preschool is usually pretty uneventful, but one morning offered a small adventure.
I was getting back into my car when I noticed a little white dog running around the parking lot.  A lady was trying unsuccessfully to coax him back into her car so a few of the other preschool parents and I tried to help herd him over to her.

We called to him, whistled, and tried to corral him. He was having none of our directions but heaps of fun. It was a glorious game for the little white dog.
"What's his name?" I asked the self-conscious handler of the naughty dog.
She smiled at me apologetically. 
"Chase" was her amusing answer.
I think about names often. Naming characters, for me, is one of the hardest things about story writing. I work in a library and I'm always looking up names of patrons to process their transactions and it's fun to see how many "Susans" or how few "Scarlets" there are in the Evergreen program.
I think one of the reasons names hold fascination for me is that my name (except, perhaps, for the spelling) is so very ordinary. Just today I came across at least two people with the same name as me.  Having the same name as so many others makes me feel common and uninteresting sometimes. It's silly, I know.
But there is one thing about my name that I love: the meaning. My name means "beloved" and like Chase the mischievous dog, it fits. Not because I'm especially charming or adorable or anything, but because of The One who goes by many, many names. Here are just a few:

Adonai

Creator
Savior

Abba

Comforter

Father

Spirit

Jesus

I am loved beyond comprehension by Him. 
And so are you.
 He takes away our orphan status and calls us sons. No matter how ordinary, rejected, unworthy or forgotten we feel we are His Beloved. 
Check out this very exciting, mysterious verse from Revelation. This was the passage was the message of a recent sermon at church and I've been thinking of it ever since:


Whoever has ears, let them hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To the one who is victorious, I will give some of the hidden manna. I will also give that person a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to the one who receives it.                                                                       Revelation 2:17


Maybe others have given you names. The enemy sure has. Maybe you've given even yourself some. I know how that feels. Hello My Name is...Ugly? Weird? Irrelevant? Ordinary? I've worn all those names and more on my lapel. 
But no one has the authority to tell us who we are except the One who created us. Not even ourselves.
 Our Father is going to give us a new name. Something special that tells us what we really are to him. I don't really understand  all that this verse means and I certainly have no idea what sort of new name Jesus would have for us, but I know one thing: While, like Chase the dog, our name will suit us, our new name will not be one of the  soul-killing, untrue labels we've  worn here on earth. Our name will not be "Ordinary" because we are extraordinarily loved. 

Who Told You That You Were Naked?

Conviction and Condemnation

Last month I was listening to an interview on the radio. James Merritt was talking about his book "52 Weeks With Jesus". The interviewer, Lynne Ford, read an excerpt from his book and I've been thinking about it ever since. You can follow the link to hear the whole interview, but I'll paraphrase the excerpt here.

There was a group of tourists watching a flock of sheep. A man was chasing them where he wanted them to go and one of the people watching asked their guide why the shepherd was chasing the sheep from behind. Don't sheep follow their shepherd?
Yes they do, the guide told them. The person chasing the sheep wasn't the shepherd.
It was the butcher. Jesus leads. It's the devil who chases.

Notice that both motivate. Jesus asks us to go along with Him where He's already gone ahead of us, protecting, preparing, promising. The 23rd Psalm is crammed with practical allegory about the trusting relationship. Sheep trust their shepherd.

Then there's the enemy. He chases us from behind with fear, accusation, and discouragement. We don't move because we trust the devil we move because we fail to trust The Shepherd. We believe the lie just like Adam and Eve did.


1 Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?” [see the subtle cynicism here? The ever-so-slight criticism of God? The devil knew what God really said. He wasn't asking a question, he was planting one in Eve's mind]

2 The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, 3 but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’ ”

4“You will not certainly die,”[big, fat, filthy, LIE] the serpent said to the woman. 5“For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, [very true] and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” [he knows they don't understand the implications of "knowing". He knows that he's implied that God is holding out on them, that He's offered something less than His best. Not directly spoken, but another HUGE lie, nonetheless.]

6 When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. [doesn't it just make your heart sick every time you read it?] She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. [Adam sitting silent is a topic for another day] 7 Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves. [They let the enemy chase them to their shame]

8 Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. 9 But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?”

10 He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.”

11 And he said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?”


Okay, so if you've hung in here with me though my little commentary, here's my point:
God is not the one who shames. He is not the one who scorns, or condemns.
The enemy does that.
Though he has nothing anywhere like Our Father's power* he is sneaky and efficient. He mixes up lies and the truth to trip you up. Your enemy will chase you toward sin and then try to make you feel like scum for failing.
If the voice whispering to your spirit is sneering at you in disgust you can bet your favorite hoodie that it's not Your Father, but your enemy.

So here's a practical example for you: You lost your temper and spoke harshly to a friend or family member. You know you hurt them and now you regret your words and your tone.

The enemy: You really messed up. They hate you now and you've done irreparable damage. Things like that are the reason [fill in the blank with an insecurity he's choosing to pick at, adding discouragement to guilt and shame]

The Father: Your words were spoken in anger. You know from My Word that it is not My hope for you to sin in your anger. I want better for my children. You must ask forgiveness of Me and your loved one. In the future, call on Me when you are frustrated. I will use these trials to make you more like Me.

So there's some really good news. You have total access to The One who loves you as if there's no one else to love. James 4;7 says "Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you."
Because of Him you have authority over the enemy of your soul. At the Name of Jesus, he, the accuser,will be the one chased away.






*read: the devil is not God's opposite; God has no opposite. the devil is not God's nemesis, though he's love for us to think it. He's under no such delusion himself, but knows he is defeated and has no power other than what God allows him. Again, that's a topic for another day.

Darkness and Light

I'll never understand why people create conflict. We all have those people in our lives who don't want things to go smoothly. People who create tension, awkwardness, and strife. I'm not saying that I'm perfect because I am very flawed, but that I just don't get. 

You've heard the saying: Blowing out someone's candle won't make yours shine any brighter.

And it's true.  Happy people don't go around trying to cut other people down. I don't think I've ever been jealous of someone just because they wanted me to be jealous of them. I feel too sad for them that they think they need to blow out candles. The thing about bragging is that it always sounds like bragging. Nobody has a perfect life. No one is without problems and disappointment. Whether it's because someone works hard at projecting an attractive but phony image or we look at them through rose-colored glasses, the result is the same: It's a farce.

 Who was it who first explained the idea that darkness doesn't exist?  Have you heard that before? You can't make darkness, you can only hide from the light. You can cover all the widows to keep the light away but you can't bring darkness. 

So someone might try to emphasize their candle by snuffing out yours, but it's a cheap, ineffective trick. 

There are people in my life who make me think "Oh I wish I could be more like her!" But those people aren't focusing on gaining followers, they're interested in being a follower.  People who look like Jesus. I think of my mentor. She has a gentle spirit and if your candle is sputtering she'll be the first to share hers. If you were to praise her beautiful character, she would hand the credit right over to Jesus.

How wonderful it would be if we would all just rest in His arms. If we would all focus on trying to have His perspective instead of trying to force other people to see us from the false perspective we want them to have? 

Bragging always looks like bragging. 

Jesus, help me to look more like You.

It's Not What it Looks Like

I have a small scrape on the heel of my right hand. It's tiny. If I showed it to you and told you that it hurt, you would look at me like I was crazy and think that I'm a whiner. You would think I was just exaggerating unless I explained to you how I got the little mark on my hand.

A week ago I was trying to smash some trash down into the trashcan when I felt a biting pain. Earlier that day my husband had been doing some work in the hallway and thrown out the mess in the trash. I had pressed my hand down right onto a nail. The tiny mark on my hand is not a scrape, it's a puncture.
What looks like a tiny mark was a very painful wound. My whole hand hurt. Even now, it's almost healed on the surface, but really it's still very tender.You can't tell just by looking that it goes deeper.
And it makes me think about assumptions we make. A few days ago I wrote about judgement. I stand by what I said before, people use the "don't judge me" excuse to justify their bad decisions. That "don't judge me because I sin differently than you" statement I see all the time really rubs me the wrong way. Another way of saying that, in my opinion, is "I know I'm being foolish but I don't want anyone to think less of me for it. Other people are foolish too!"  We can't expect people not to lose respect for us if we admittedly do what we know is wrong.
But today I'm talking about something a little different. Sometimes people judge each other, not about right actions and wrong actions, but on the superficial. I'm talking about compassion.
 That clingy child was tiresome, but it turns out she was in foster care and was starving for affection. That girl who keeps to herself that everyone thought was a conceited snob is actually painfully shy. The person behind the counter seemed rude but really he's still stinging because his boss just yelled at him.
We just can't always know what someone else is going though. So let's be guided by what Paul said in his letter to the Galatians:

  1 Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. 2 Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. 3 If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. 4 Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, 5 for each one should carry their own load. 6 Nevertheless, the one who receives instruction in the word should share all good things with their instructor. Galatians 6:1-6

All kinds of good stuff in there. Notice that he advises us to get over ourselves and help each other out? At first it may seem contradictory that he says we should carry each other's burdens but everyone has to shoulder their own load.
My pastor explained it in a really great sermon once: A burden is more than one person can handle on their own. Something that's too much for one person. We should pitch in and help. A load is someone's personal responsibility. Something like a backpack. Even children have their own loads that they should be able to take on without help.
If we're too focused on our own loads we won't notice when someone is being crushed by a burden.
We should all go around wearing compassion colored glasses.
Check out this short video made by Fellowship Bible Church in Little Rock Arkansas.  It's a powerful representation of seeing others with empathy and compassion instead of selfishness. Because sometimes what looks like a scrape is really a puncture. Sometimes we have to ask to find out that what looks like a load is really a burden.

Judgmental

I do not think it means what you think it means

you can buy this snarky bag here

     Is it just me or is our culture obsessed with judgement?  Apparently, one of the worst things a person can possibly be is judgmental. It's everywhere. Did you catch it in the Disney movie "Frozen" while your kids were watching it a zillion times? Kristoff sees a whole castle made of ice and confesses he might cry. What does Anna say? "Go ahead. I won't judge".  
    So maybe we shouldn't make fun of people for their preferences,  but it's gone way beyond that. We've gotten to the place where any sort of disagreement at all is categorized as disapproval, arrogance, or even hate. Many who like to throw around the word judge often do so by citing the Bible. Sort of. 
    "Whoever is without sin can cast the first stone. Don't judge." 
    Yep. Jesus did say that. The stone throwing part, anyway. But let's back up and look at the actual passage because context is everything. 

2 At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. 3 The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group 4 and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. 5 In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” 6 They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. 7 When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” 8 Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

9 At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. 10 Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”

11“No one, sir,” she said.

“Then neither do I condemn you,”Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”

When Jesus told them they couldn't throw stones unless they were sinless He was talking about actual rocks they were going to literally throw at her actual head. Jesus didn't tell them not to say she had done something wrong.  He wasn't being metaphorical when He was talking about throwing stones.  He wasn't talking about hurting the woman's feelings. He didn't say they were hateful for disagreeing with her choices.  He reminded them that they were all sinners, too, and were not qualified to have the authority to decide her fate. Jesus told her He didn't condemn her (though He was and is without sin) and then He said something that I believe our culture would call judgmental: "Go now and leave your life of sin." 

When He tells us not to condemn it does not mean that we shouldn't ever deem someone's actions unwise, it means that we are not to set ourselves up in superiority over them. Those two things are just not the same. It comes down to a heart issue. 
Jesus also said in Matthew chapter 7 "For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." So I'm not saying it's okay to think we're superior to someone because we think we're "less bad" by comparison.  But when Jesus tells us not to judge He's not giving anyone a get-out-of-jail-free card. It does mean we need to be patient with one another, but it does not mean there's no such thing as accountability. 

Grace Wins Again

Grace Wins Again

   I've been thinking a lot about something that Jon Acuff said a few weeks ago. He said "Using cynicism to protect yourself from the bravery that having hope requires is the sneakiest form of cowardice there is." Well, Jon was talking about setting goals and keeping goals and doing all the things that need to be done in order to achieve your goals, and he was absolutely right.  

     What really got me, though, was that cynicism is inherently sneaky and, by its very nature, cowardly. It doesn't seem like it, but it is. 

      A good friend of mine pointed this out to me recently when we were discussing a popular YA novel. One of the main characters always "won" the disagreements because she always resorted to cynicism and it's so hard to argue with cynicism. 

    - I can't believe you fell for that.   

    - You really think that's going to work? Please.

    - Yeah, right, because (insert more sarcasm here).

  These are just hypotheticals that I'm making up on the spot, but don't you hear the scornful tone? Can't you just hear the arrogance and superiority? Haven't you felt your heart just deflate when you've spoken optimism and had someone douse the warmth with cold cynicism? Did it make you doubt yourself? Me too.

       Is there a point to this, because it's getting depressing in here.  Yes. I have a point. I think there's something that's even harder to argue with than cynicism. 

Grace.  

Proverbs 15:1 says "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." 

      Did you notice that? Turns away wrath. So even if it's already headed for us, a gracious answer can diffuse a conflict. Have you ever been in a situation where someone wants to make a game out of something that shouldn't be a competition?  

      -Is Billy still having a hard time learning to read? My Sally made honor roll. Again. 

      -My boyfriend bought me five dozen roses. Do you have any plans for Valentine's Day this year?

       -I love our new house. I just finished painting all the walk-in closets. Have you found a house in your price range yet?

Gross.

      My nature wants to fight back. To put them in their place. To play- no, to win the game they dragged me into. But I don't have to play along and there's no winner in those types of games anyway. Just pettiness and selfishness.  But grace wins. Grace lets us surrender our pride and put our attackers into God's capable hands. It's a much better place for them to be than behind us at an imaginary finish line. 

    

Kindergarten Cool

Kindergarten Cool

Apparently one skeleton on your shirt isn't enough. You have to be simply covered in them. I didn't know this until I read this important observation on facebook. A friend of mine was relaying her confusion about the apparent rules of kindergarten coolness. Her little boy had come home from school that day having been found wanting. He didn't have enough skeletons on his shirt and, unfortunately, that day it was the coolness meter. Poor little guy. I happen to know for a fact that this kid is great and the mother in me wanted to march into his classroom the next day and inform those miniature social snobs that nobody's cool in kindergarten. They're six-year-olds for crying out loud.
It did get me thinking about adults and their standards for acceptability. Skeletons seemed laughably silly to me, but what about us? Adults do it, too, and our criteria doesn't make a lot more sense. I have noticed that even with Christians a touch of cynicism seems to be required to keep from being a bore. Being edgy enough to use a cuss word now and then means you're not a total dork who doesn't understand how to function in society. Of course there are always money and possessions to let everyone know we are to be envied. Beauty, too. Everyone knows the best looking people are a little better. 
Such foolishness. I shook my head when I read about my friend's son and his skeleton deficiency, but I wonder if God sees it any differently if I'm afraid that someone will think less of me because of my lack of smartphone or my never manicured nails. I'll bet He shakes His head, too, when we think that our cars or houses or intimidating intelligence give us status. Look what He told Samuel as he looked over Jesse's sons to find the new king. Surely it would be the tall good-looking guy, right? “But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7
I mean this to encourage you, because there will always be someone with more skeletons on their shirt than you have on yours. But it doesn't matter at all. Only one thing is important and we can choose what is better. 

Unexpected Joy

Unexpected Joy

        It was a May Term class. Models of Youth Ministry, I think it was called. There would be a small group of us, five guys and three girls, traveling around together with our professor and learning about different youth ministries. It sounded like fun and I was looking forward to it.Until our very first meeting, that is. I remember sitting there at a table in silence as the eight of us just sort of stared around the room. No one talking or joking or asking about majors or hometowns. Nope, we were just sitting there as if we were trying to see who could be the most boring.
 Ugh. 
        I am not a shy person. I like people, I like conversations and connections. I remember thinking that this was going to be the worst class ever. A month-long awkward silence stuck in a van with people who didn't want to know me. 
I was SO wrong.We had a wonderful time. It turned out to be one of my favorite classes ever. Now, when I think back on that class I smile. We had inside jokes and nicknames (for example, two of the guys called each other “Seth” and I'm still not sure anyone knows why) we found out about each other's lives and families. It was amazing. I would be thrilled to see those people today. And here I thought it was going to be a study in how not to have fun.
I was reminded of this special time in my life as I was reading Kay Warren's book about joy. She was talking about Jesus and his disciples and offered a perspective that we don't often think about: They were joyful. They had fun together. The Bible doesn't tell us that they had inside jokes or nicknames, but I wouldn't be surprised if they did. Their ministry wasn't only about duty. These men were friends. I know when I read the gospels I sort of imagine Jesus and the twelve saying things like, “Okay, gentlemen, this is the part where we're supposed to go to Samaria, because this is when Jesus talks to that woman at the well. We'll go get some food, like it says we're supposed to, and meet Jesus back at the well at one. Okay? Let's go.” 
Of course it wasn't like that, but I can't be the only one who has overlooked this idea. I'm not trying to make the Bible say something it doesn't. I was encouraged by this perspective- thinking about the realness of Jesus. I assumed that my class was going to be dull and unfriendly, but it was a joy. I make assumptions when I read about Jesus, too. What a joy to think that He was and is not only Lord, but someone who laughs and enjoys. Jesus isn't just the One we go to with our hurts, but He wants to share in our happiness, too. What a joyous thing to think about. 

Wrecking and Building

Wrecking and Building

One morning a dear friend of mine made an observation on facebook. It was an observation about facebook, actually. More specifically about how people react to 
different types of posts.She was discouraged by how posts that are negative and complaining seem to get more attention and more “likes” to than the positive, more upbeat ideas. Her  statement resonated with several people, including me.
There are many theories about why the negative could tend to be celebrated while the  positive is frequently snubbed, but I think this is a big one:It's much much easier to destroy than it is to build. 
Think about it. Even in amoral contexts this is true. A house of cards is difficult to set up but the slightest touch will topple it.It takes a lot more effort to prepare Thanksgiving dinner  than it does to eat it.It takes time, planning, skill, etc, but to consume the meal, all you have to  do is show up. Toddlers do it.And speaking of toddlers, it takes some time to fold the  laundry, but my boys could strew it around the living room in seconds. But what  about things that matter?How much harder is it to infuse another person with confidence than it is to belittle them?How much more difficult to cheer someone who is suffering than to criticize someone who is flourishing? I know from personal experience that it's difficult to write a story, but easy to  pick apart one I don't like.
The challenge is to choose what's best. To do what's right. I think that people tear down  because it makes them feel powerful.For example, bullies think that if they diminish  someone else it makes them more important.That is the cowardly way.The better way is  described in Proverbs 15:13 “A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes  the spirit.”I don't think it's as easy as it sounds, but the right thing rarely is.