I'm going to be totally real with you right now: I'm feeling like a failure this morning. A friend told me last night that someone went to Amazon to get a copy of my novel and there aren't any there. My book has been backlisted. I knew that already, but it was no fun to see the word "unavailable" there next to the picture of my book. This is not unusual. It happens to lots of authors. I still have copies of my novel and it hasn't just disappeared from the world, but it still stings. I'm working hard not to take it personally.
I'm warring with myself this morning. This is one of those times when I want to sit in the road and quit. The roadblock is steep and rocky. I can't see the other side. My metaphorical feet hurt and I'm tempted to give up.
But I won't.
I see lots of work ahead. A bunch of places to go, all of them outside of my cozy little comfort zone. So here I go. I'm pretty sure that if I had to do it on my own I wouldn't be able to. I'm not going to claim that I can just grit my teeth and pick myself up and keep trying. Not without Him anyway.
But Jesus has already acknowledged my bruises and promised to help me up out of the dust.
Just a few minutes ago Beth Moore sent out these two tweets:
This is how this earthly thing tends to go: we don't turn out to be as awesome as we hoped & Jesus turns out to be better than we believed.
@BethMooreLPM Personal crisis: looking our un-awesomeness in the eye. If we can deal, we're set for some wild and woolly Jesus-awesomeness.
So I'm trying be excited about what's coming because I know He has a plan. It's going to take work. It's going to take work just to choose not to sit in the road and cry for one minute longer than I should.
I would not have chosen this roadblock if I were mapping my path. But I'm not that kind of Author. I know He knows best and with His help I'll put my shoes back on my tired feet and start climbing.